NFL Picks: Week 12

Nick talks a lot of smack for someone who's never won this competition. Just sayin'. However, that was a pretty strong week there from the old boy.

Last Week:
Nick: 8-5-1
Figgs: 5-8-1
Joe: 5-8-1
Figgs' $ Picks: 2-1
Nick's $ Picks: 3-0-1, +7 Schrute Bucks


Season to Date
Joe: 74-82-4
Nick: 70-86-4
Figgs: 68-88-4
Figgs' $ Picks: 13-15
Nick's $ Picks: 8-8-1, +3 Schrute Bucks


Thanksgiving Football
12:30
LIONS (+3) vs. Texans
Figgs: Texans. I will give Nick his props on this one - he's been saying the Lions aren't very good all year. Houston should be motivated by a scare from Jacksonville last week. ($)
Joe: Texans; I'm not really sure where that Jacksonville game came from, but no worries, because the Texans did what championship teams should do, and that's win games where you're not at your best. I look for them to be back to form this week while I eat my turkey.
Nick: Texans. Just not a fan of the Lions, and even though it's a quick turnaround I have faith in Houston. (4 Schrute Bucks)
Andy Fuckin' Francis: What's up, bitches? I'm back, one week only. Maybe I'll even start writing a bit, save Figgs from single-handedly carrying this joint. I'm taking the Texans in this game. Why? Because they're really good. They have the second-best point differential in the NFL, behind only a New England team buoyed by blowouts, while the Lions are at -10. I know it's Thanksgiving and all, but why do I only have to give three points here? I haven't followed the NFL too closely this season.

4:15
COWBOYS (-3) vs. Redskins
Figgs: Skins. Dallas isn't anywhere near good. I could see them bringing it at home on Thanksgiving against a medicore Washington team, but if I ever get the chance to take a team that I feel is better and get points, I'm not going to pass it up. ($)
Joe: Skins; I think they do more things well than Dallas does.
Nick: Skins. The Browns should have beaten the Cowboys last Sunday. I'm not sure what's in store for this game, but I wonder if the clock is getting ready to strike midnight for Garrett, and to a lesser degree, Tony Homo. (+4.5, 2 Schrute Bucks)
AFF After last week's painful loss to the 'Pokes, I talked with a Texan coworker of mine who is a Dallas fan. He told me, "I thought the Cowboys were the best team in the league at finding ways to blow games...but then I saw the Cleveland Browns. He was not wearing a giant Ten-Gallon hat when he said this, unfortunately. What I'm trying to say is, the Cowboys still suck, and I expect to see RG3 and the Redskins go in there and light Cowboys Stadium up.

8:20
JETS (+7) vs. Patriots
Figgs: Pats. I've never seen a team cover more high spreads with such ease as New England. Pats in a big way here. ($)
Joe: Pats; Reluctantly. Yes, they cover some spreads by 4 or 5 TD's, but they either lose or win very close in other big spread games. So I don't know which team will show up. If I have to guess, I'll go with Brady over Sanchez. Reason enough for me. But this game is just a side note to the actual event that will take place on Thursday night. That's right, the return to NBC of John Freaking Madden, and....wait for it.... the TURDUCKEN!!!!!!!! That's all the reason I need to watch this game.
Nick: Pats. It's a lot of points, but this comes down to the fact that I can't take Sanchez over Brady without getting more than a TD. Sorry bra.
AFF: For reasons not even I understand, I'm taking the Jets in this one. Yes, the Patriots cover big spreads, but they barely beat the Jets in OT in Foxboro earlier this year, and the turmoil around the Jets seems to have hardened their resolve, resulting in a solid win last week in St Louis. I dunno, seems too easy to take New England here.


Saturday 12:00 Kickoff
BUCKEYES (-3) vs a school up north
Figgs: Suck it michigan. Suck it long, and suck it hard.
AFF: This pick was made post-game, but OF COURSE I was going to take the Ohio State Buckeyes in this game. I'll have a few more things to say on this at a later time.


Sunday 1:00 kickoff
BROWNS (E) vs. steelers
Figgs: Browns. We've been in every single game this year and I definitely don't see this being any different, other than the fact that I actually think we pull this one off. Charlie Batch? Give me a break.
Joe: Browns; Not a doubt in my freaking mind!
Nick: Browns. In the words of my favorite politician, THIS IS THR OPPORTUNITY WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR! THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS ARE A MESS! NOW IS THE TIME TO BREAK THEIR STRANGLEHOLD OVER THE RIVALRY IN TWO!
AFF: BROWNS BROWNS BROWNS BROWNS BROWNS. Gotta get this one. I'm psyched. This weekend will see the end of michigan, and it will soon see the end of the steelers. I'm even taking the unprecedent step of tailgating two days in a row this week - the Pigskin Classic downtown for the Saturday beatdown, and then a trip to the Muni lot before the Browns avenge several more years' worth of losses to the squealers.

BEARS (E) vs. Vikings
Figgs: Bears. I was 100% wrong in last week's Monday Nighter in my thinking that the Bears where much better off with Campbell than San Fran was with Kaepernick. There's a chance Cutler goes in this one and if that's the case I like Chi-town no doubt. If he can't I guess I'll roll the dice with Campbell once again.
Joe: Bears; Ok, I too, was way off on the Bears last week. I want to go with the Vikes here, but they aren't getting any points. In a pickem game, I gotta believe the Bears are still the better team, especially at home.
Nick: Bears.
AFF: Bit of a dilemma here, because I'm leaning Bears in general, but I saw that horrifying MNF performance they submitted last week while I was at a bizarro trivia night. I think I'll take the Bears in a bounce-back game.

BENGALS (-10) vs. Raiders
Figgs: Cinncy. Give me the over on this one. I didn't think I could possibly take this bad Bengal team giving double digits points against anyone, but I think the Raiders just might be that awful.
Joe: Raiders; Revenge game for Carson. Anyone? Ok, Cincy is better than I have given them credit for, but I can't give this many points, even against these clowns.
Nick: Raiders. Just too many points.
AFF: I'm with Joe - I haven't been in this game long enough to give 10 with the Cincitucky Bunglers, as awful as the Raiders have been. Oakland it is.

COLTS (-3) vs. Buffaloes
Figgs: Indy. Luck and the Colts showed last week that they're not ready to play with the elite teams like New England. They'll show this week that they're still a big step above the lower teams like Buffalo. ($)
Joe: Bills; Just one of my gut feeling games that don't really make sense, but I seem to hit on them every time. I think the Bills pull this one out.
Nick: Indy.
AFF: I wouldn't bet this game in a million years, even if I was following the league closely, but I'm taking the Buffaloes here.

CHIEVES (+11) vs. Broncos
Figgs: Denver. I thought about this one for awhile, but if I can justify to myself giving 10 points for Cinncy, I can give 11 for a real team.
Joe: Broncos; The QB caroussel lands back on The Mighty Quinn this week. I don't think it matters. They are godawful. And Denver has Peyton Manning. Go ahead and take those 11 points, I'll gladly give them.
Nick: Broncos. I mean, I'd love to grab the points, but Denver is dropping 30 on everyone and the Chiefs have completely quit.
AFF: Blah, 11 points on the road, I'll take the Chieves in a pride game. Ugh, and now I'm stuck having taken a Romeo Crennel team.

DOLPHINS (+3) vs. Seahawks
Figgs: 'Hawks. Another one I debated on for some time. I don't like giving points to take Seattle on the road, but I also don't like taking Miami period.
Joe: Seahawks; Coming off a bye week, so don't give me that traveling cross country for an early start crap, Seattle. You are way better than this team, so act like it. Beast Mode all day.
Nick: Seahawks.
AFF: I think I'll take the field goal and look for the Dolphins to end their three-game slide. Does anyone else miss when Henne was their QB and Figgs lobbed bombs at them each week? Me too.

BUCS (+1) vs. Falcons
Figgs: ATL. If I weren't a Browns fan, this would definitely be the game I'd most like to watch on the 1:00 slate. Should be evenly matched, with the slight advantage the Falcons have being negated by TB being at home. In a game that could go either way, I have no reason not to take my boys.
Joe:Bucs; Falcons keep getting it done, but they seem to be playing worse each of the last several weeks. I don't mean to be a hater because I like their team, but the 5 picks Matty Ice threw last week are alarming. Tampa is solid and they are at home.
Nick: Bucs.
AFF: The Bucs have won four straight, are playing at home, and have roughly the same point differential as the good-but-shaky Birds.

JAGUARS (+3) vs. Titans
Figgs: Titans. chad henne seems to have given the lowly Jags some life. It also gives me a reason to pick against them every week now. he's probably going to still be crying after the beatdown his boys up north will have suffered to The Buckeyes the previous day.
Joe: Titans; I don't know where henne pulled that performance out of, but, given his track record, I'm giving these points, betting that he doesn't post back to back good games.
Nick: Jags.
AFF: There's the Henne hate I wanted! I seriously had no idea that was awaiting me. Good times. I'm taking the Titties in honor of yet another destruction of um today.


(4:05 kickoff)
CHARGERS (+1) vs. Ravens
Figgs: ratbirds. I'm done asking "What Charger team will show up?" I'm finally getting the picture - there's only one Charger team, and they're not good. (*$)
Joe: Ravens; 1 point? Really? I get a Harbaugh vs. Norv Turner? Uncle Frank, is this a joke?
Nick: Ravens.
AFF: Fuck the ravens, I'm taking the Bolts. Let's face it: these games are all toss-ups for us, so why sit there and hope the goddamn team that stole our franchise and wears "Art" patches wins? Fuck those patches, fuck them.


(4:25 kickoffs)
CARDINALS (-1) vs. Rams
Figgs: Rams. The Cards are now on QB3, and I couldn't for the life of me tell you his name.
Joe: Rams; The Cards still haven't won a game since September, and that includes a game last week where they picked off 5 passes! The Rams have an excellent front 7 and their going against the aforementioned 3rd string QB. I'll take em.
Nick: Cards.
AFF: I'm taking the Cardinals because you guys aren't.

SAINTS (+1) vs. 49ers
Figgs: Saints. You absolutely cannot not start Alex Smith, healthy or not, after what Kap did on MNF. That being said, I don't think he's able to repeat his performance.
Joe: 49ers; All right, they proved me wrong. I knew they had the great D, but I just thought their offense was pedestrian at best. After what they did to a great Bears defense last week, I'll buy into them again. I love the Saints offenseively, but if San Fran can keep this game in the 20's, I like their chances.
Nick: Niners.
AFF: It doesn't matter who SF starts - teams with QB controversies suck, especially if they have to roll into the Superdome the week after a Monday nighter and tangle with the suddenly-hot Saints.


Sunday Night Football, 8:20 kickoff
GIANTS (-3) vs. Packers
Figgs: Pack. I wouldn't be surprised with a Giant win, I never am with that team because I know what they are cappable of. But GB is the better and definitely more consistent team, so give me those points. ($)
Joe: Packers; Could go either way, but the Gmen have not looked good at all lately. They do this every year in November and then go on a run in December and January. Last I checked, it's still November, so I'll take my boys, the Pack.
Nick: Pack.
AFF: Pfft. The Giants don't have to win this game, so they won't. I'll take Mr. Rodgers and his Packers.


Monday Night Football, 8:30 kickoff
EAGLES (-1) vs. Panthers
Figgs: Panthers. Barf. Shouldn't this game be on Thursday Night? Guess I was wrong about the Vick injury being a blessing. I know it's only been one game, but Foles looked epically bad.
Joe: Panthers; Monday Nighters have been pretty bad this year. I gotta watch my boy Cam in prime time, but I'm long off the bandwagon of this being a good team. They suck.However, Ilike them to win because the Eagles are a trainwreck of epic proportions.
Nick: Eagles
AFF: A copy-and-paste error (by me) currently has Nick taking the 'Skins in this game, and frankly, given this appalling matchup, that's not such a bad pick. But, since I should probably take a team actually "playing" in this slopfest, I'll make the selection of the Eagles.

Figgs $ teaser: Bengals (-2)/Seahawks (+3)/Broncos (-4.5)