NFL Picks: Week 13

I'm officially worse than flipping a coin, both the ravens and steelers won without covering for me, and Jake Delhomme continues to play football for my favorite team. The NFL utterly and completely sucks.

Last Week
Andy: 6-10
Figgs: 6-10
Nick: 6-10
Bucko: 6-10
Gopo: 8-8

Nick's Money Picks ($): 2-2
Figgs' Money Picks ($): 1-2


Standings
Figgs: 88-82-6
Gopo: 87-83-6
Bucko: 85-85-6
Nick: 84-86-6
Andy: 84-86-6

Nick's Money Picks ($): 25-25-3
Figgs' Money Picks ($): 24-11-2


Thursday game, 8:20 pm kickoff
EAGLES (-9) vs Texans
Andy: Texans - .500, baby. Or: lose by less than 9 points, baby.
Figgs: Texans. I went back and forth several times on this one.
Nick: Eagles
Bucko: Eagles. I don't see the Texans being able to stop Vick.
Gopo: Texans. The Eagles might bounce back in this game, but it's tough to tell how together Houston's D is when their shutout last week was against Rusty Smith.


Sunday games
1 pm kickoff

DOLPHINS (-4.5) vs Browns
Andy: Browns. As we all know, I pick the Browns reflexively each week because they're my club, but I hate this line and this game. The Dolphins are probably 3 points better than us, plus 3 points home field (we never win games in Florida), and 7 for the inevitable Delhomme pick-6, this should be FISH (-13). I hate this, but I'm sticking with my boys. You know what else I hate: the Sporting Gods. As if it wasn't enough to watch the Browns stumbling, I had to watch LeBron's disgusting return to Cleveland this week, then wake up the next day to see Houston miss covering by point in a game they were covering by 13 points after three quarters. Couple that with Nick's Friday-morning Eagles pick, and I'm alone in the basement here in the picks. The worst thing about a field competition is that I can't even play spoiler like in a head-to-head scenario. Alright, time to mope my way dejectedly through the rest of my "picks".
Figgs: Wow Andy, what a downer. We win this game outright. BEER WE GO BROWNIES! ($)
Nick: Browns. Jake Delhomme does a Captain Jack Rooney impression this week.
Bucko: Dolphins. Can't trust Jake.
Gopo: Dolphins. This line has to be assuming that Colt is playing, and if he were, I might pick the Browns here. But alas...

BENGALS (+7) vs Saints
Andy: Saints. The Bengals have burned me six times already this year when I picked them, and I've had it. Even if this is the week they actually play well, I can sleep at night knowing I jumped off their non-bandwagon having made the best effort I could.
Figgs: Saints. While Andy has been crushed picking these guys, Nick and I have been rolling going against them. ($)
Nick: Saints. The Cincinnati Bengals are not very good at football.
Bucko: Bengals. Just a feeling. Think weather might be a factor.
Gopo: Saints. I'm not sure what the hell I was thinking in picking the Bengals last week - the spread was high, but come on, it's the Bengals.

LIONS (+4) vs Bears
Andy: Bears. Opposite as Bengals - I've missed six games picking against the Bears already and they keep winning.
Figgs: Bears. Drew Stanton starting against this defense? This line should be at least a touchdown. ($)
Nick: Bears. They're not saying 'boo,' they're saying 'Druuu.' ($ -5.5)
Bucko: Da Bears. They are playing great on D.
Gopo: Bears. I keep picking against the Bears and I keep losing because of it.

PACKERS (-9) vs 49ers
Andy: Packers. Sorry, Troy Smith, but Mike Singletary and December in Lambeau wins out.
Figgs: Pack. I'm with Andy. I unfortunately have to go against Troy for the first time.
Nick: Packers. Niners on a road trip to a place that's cold where Aaron Rodgers plays quarterback.
Bucko: Packers. Have I ever mentioned I like Rodgers?
Gopo: 49ers. Niners are another team I've picked against the last couple weeks and paid for it. I'll give the bay area some faith this week after Jeff Reed showed up out here to attack a paper towel dispenser.

TITANS (-3) vs Jaguars
Andy: Jags. They're on a roll, and the Titties are...not on a roll.
Figgs: Jax. Can't really figure out this spread. Didn't the Titans just get shut out by the Texans?
Nick: Jagoffs. Who the fuck knows.
Bucko: Titans.
Gopo: Jags. Even with Kerry Collins, I can't take the Titans. By the way, when Kerry Collins is a huge upgrade over your current QB situation, you are in bad luck. Following, when Vince Young is the biggest possible upgrade to your QB situation, you might want to rethink things.

CHIEVES (-9.5) vs Broncos
Andy: Broncos. They suck, but I'm not giving 9.5 points to take a .500 team against a team that already beat them by 20.
Figgs: KC. Andy makes a good point, but Denver seems like the kind of team that will beat a team by 20 then follow it up by losing by 20 to said team.
Nick: Chiefs. The Chiefs are a big home/road split team, and the Donks are lousy and have less to play for.
Bucko: Broncos. Knowshon is running well.
Gopo: Broncos. What Andy said.

VIKINGS (-5.5) vs Buffaloes
Andy: Buffaloes. America's New Team!
Figgs: Vikes. Just because.
Nick: Bills. LET'S-GO-BUFF-ALO! ($)
Bucko: Vikings. Bills are due for a let down.
Gopo: Bills. The Bills are sneaky good for gambling purposes - they can hang with really good teams, they will always score points in a blowout situation, and they play hard.

GIANTS (-7) vs Redskins
Andy: Giants. LeBron sucks.
Figgs: Giants. I was gonna pick the Skins, but there's is no way you can go against Andy's logic here.
Nick: Giants. Just think the Skins are a train wreck.
Bucko: Giants.
Gopo: Redskins. For no real reason at all.


4 pm kickoff
CHARGERS (-13) vs Raiders
Andy: Chargers. I think I might have waited a couple of weeks too long to jump off the Raider train, but I hopped on the San Diego express right in time.
Figgs: Chargers. They could be a top five team in the league.
Nick: Chargers. Big number, but San Diego's been covering them of late.
Bucko: Raiders. Just too many points.
Gopo: Chargers. I'm not sure what happened to the Raiders, but it looks like they are going to suck again which means the Pats will have an awesome first round pick from them next year. Fucking New England.

SEAHAWKS (-6) vs Panthers
Andy: Seahawks. Why even play this game?
Figgs: Hawks.
Nick: Panthers. Starting to think the Panthers might be frisky. Whyaren't more of you guys on this game?
Bucko: Seahawks. Because they have something to play for.
Gopo: Panthers. I picked them last week for the first time all season (I think) and they came through for me, so I'll ride them again this week.

BUCS (+2) vs Falcons
Andy: Falcons. Too black. Too strong.
Figgs: ATL. Why's it always gotta be about race with you, Andy?
Nick: Falcons. Just not sold on the Bucs against quality opponents. ($)
Bucko: Falcons. Spread should be more.
Gopo: Falcons. Not nearly enough points for me to take a Bucs team that I'm still not entirely sold on.

CARDINALS (+3.5) vs Rams
Andy: Rams. Last time these teams played it was Arizona (-4) and the Rams covered. Now the student has become the master. Or something. I hate this line.
Figgs: Rams. "I'm just telling you right now what I do every single f***ing week!"
Nick: Rams. "That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine." ($ -3)
Bucko: Rams.
Gopo: Rams. This is the first time in 75 years (approximately) that the Rams actually have meaningful games to play. This is a division game, no less. If they don't step up and win this one, they need to take a long look in the mirror.

COLTS (-5) vs Cowboys
Andy: Cowboys. America's Old Team!
Figgs: Colts. Manning is struggling, but I'm not giving up on him yet.
Nick: Cowboys. Wondering if the Colts are going supernova here.
Bucko: Cowboys. Colts really need Addai.
Gopo: Cowboys. Bounce back game against a reeling Colts squad.

Sunday Night Football, 8:20 pm

RAVENS (-3) vs Steelers
Andy: Steelers, just so I can have a field goal. A few Sundays ago, I became violently ill on a Sunday night. I'm going to avoid this game so I don't suffer a similar fate this Sunday.
Figgs: Ravens. Gross.
Nick: Steelers. I should bet on them to give them the jinx. I hate these guys. Like an all-time hatred. It's in the same league as some of the great hate relationships, like Khan-Kirk, Zod-Jor El, Palpatine-all Jedi. I should stop.
Bucko: Steelers. What Gopo said.
Gopo: Steelers. There is a 95% chance that this game is going to be won by a field goal - I can't wait for this game.

Monday Night Football, 8:30 pm

PATRIOTS (-3.5) vs Jets
Andy: Patriots. They're on a mission, and are no doubt incensed about the beating the Jets handed them in New Jersey a couple of months ago.
Figgs: Pats. Most fans are probably excited to see four of the best teams in the league in prime time, and I have to suffer through my two most hated teams and a QB battle featuring guys from USC and michigan? What a kick in the dick.
Nick: Pats. Tempted to take the Jets here, but do I really want to take Sanchez on the road, in prime time, in the cold? No.
Bucko: Jets.
Gopo: Jets. Not sure why, but I think the Jets pull this game out - feel like on D they just have the Pats # this year

Nick's Money Teaser

EAGLES -2, Saints -1, GIANTS -7.5 ($)