Random Michigan-bashing

Hey, why not? It's more fun than writing about the Indians.

- I'm sort of torn as I watch today's Notre Dame - Michigan tilt. I really don't care for either team, yet there's no way both can lose that I'm aware of. For the sake of Ohio State and the Big Ten, it seems rational that I should pull for the Wolverines. On the other hand, even though I dislike the Irish for several reasons, I absolutely hate the school up north. The competition for my least favorite sports team overall has only three legitimate contenders, and the Steelers and Ravens sort of siphon votes from one another, leaving only these morons from the oddly-named town of Ann Arbor.

- Touchdown Irish!! Rational behavior isn't always the order of the day, and I'm flat-out rooting for Notre Dame here. I can't be something I'm not, and the stunned, disappointed faces of Michigan fans are almost as good as Hines Ward's dejected expression walking off the field after his fumble at the end of Thursday's game. I'm willing to sacrifice some small measure of conference prestige to indulge my joy at the defeat of an archrival. Go Notre Dame!

- One fan in the stands was sporting a "Beat Ohio State" t-shirt. In what?

- Michigan's QB is named "Tate Forcier." Not much I need to add to that, except that it reads "T. Forcier" on the back of his uniform, meaning there must be another Forcier on the roster. I'm already spending too much time on this article to look it up.

- The turning point for me today may have been Michigan's first touchdown, which prompted the playing of their awful fight song, arrogantly titled "The Victors." Even substituting the dirty words in my brain (I actually don't even know any of the real ones), I can't listen to it. Notre Dame, on the other hand, has a totally boss fight song. Any tune that figures into the plot of Airplane! is good with me.

- On a slightly tangential note, it's a good thing the Penn State band doesn't have to pay royalties every time they play "Seven Nation Army," because they would owe Jack White roughly the school's entire endowment.

- What is this supposed to be at Michigan Stadium, a yellow-out? Is it even really called Michigan Stadium (editor's note: yes)? I pretty much only hear it called "The Big House," which is staggeringly uncreative. According to Wikipedia, it's also referred to as "The Carnegie Hall of All Sports" and is also known as "the House that Yost built." I have now three sub-points to this bullet:
a) No one calls it "The Carnegie Hall of All Sports." No one. Ever.
b) No one calls it "The House That Yost Built." No one. Ever.
c) Maybe this explains why they stuck with the "Big House." Michigan doesn't do creativity.

- They don't do defense, either, not in this half anyway. This is a pretty entertaining game, as it turns out.

- I like the sort of unfair double-standards that sports fanaticism allows one to apply. Check it out:
1) "Michigan Stadium" is a stupid, unclever name for a stadium hosting one of sports' most pathetic teams.
2) "Ohio Stadium" is a simple, classy, traditional name befitting a fine university and football team with a rich tradition.

- Last week, I saw fans with a banner reading "In Rod We Trust." What, exactly, is it about coach Rich Rodriguez that you find trustworthy? The offseason practice scandal? His unethical and acrimonious departure from West Virginia? Or do you simply trust that he'll lead the team back to prominence, based entirely on last year's 3-9 mark?

- Ha ha, "last year's 3-9 mark." Ha!

- Michigan's last two graduating classes of football players (assuming they actually graduate) both left the school having posted career 0-4 marks against Ohio State. So will the next two. That's a beautiful thing. A someone who watched every one of the 1988-2000 contests, during which OSU posted an abysmal 2-10-1 record against their archrivals (a youthful Francis attended the tie and at least one of the losses), this is a long time coming. As Marsellus Wallace would say, I ain't through with you by a damn sight.

- One thing I left out of my piece on the Aeros from a few days ago was that the guy who was working the Ohio Brewing tap sported a Michigan cap, and seemed to have no grasp whatsoever of the idea that I would give him US currency in exchange for the beer. If I wasn't so ethical, I might have walked away with a coupla free beers. It's like the hat sucks out your brainpower, like getting a Metroid stuck on your head.

- In other news involving college football being played by teams from the state of Michigan: come on, Michigan State. I have none of the qualms rooting for you that I do with the other Big TenEleven school in your state, and you lose to Central Michigan? The same Central Michigan that I hate because of their insistence that they own the rights to the acronym "CMU" even though Carnegie Mellon is a much finer institution, we have the website cmu.edu, and you can't actually own a fucking acronym? That Central Michigan? Ugh.

- Do I like Bob Greise openly rooting against the Buckeyes because his son went to the school up north? Nope, I sure don't. My Dad has also made it clear that he does not care for "Greasy Bob"'s perspective.

- Wikipedia also lists Michigan as having 11 "Claimed National Championships," which is an interesting bit of wordplay. It makes one suspect that they're trying to get their hands on titles that aren't actually theirs. I recall reading something to this effect once, and frankly, the idea of them doing this is so consistent with my view of the school that I'm going to accept it as fact uncritically, without researching it.

Go Bucks.