Wednesday, April 1

The Detroit Pistons suck.

Looking for a graphic to accompany this article, I typed "cavaliers beat detroit logo" into Yahoo! image search, and it came up with one and only one result: a jpeg of the Boston Celtics' stupid logo. Weird. I considered a stock photo of Rasheed Wallace complaining to a referee, which are really, really easy to find, but ultimately went with this one.

I attended the CaVs' 569th straight home victory (374th straight overall) at the Q last night against the Detroit Pistons and left with, somehow, even less respect for the Pistons than I had before.

Mind you, the Pistons have been rather contemptible for some time now. When they won the NBA in 2004 and had their string of Conference Finals appearances (which is ongoing, now that I think about it), they were a tough, mean bunch, and they won lots of basketball games. You hated them, but they were good. Now, the hate factor hasn't really subsided, and they're not particularly good either. They're actually pretty pathetic, as I discovered last night.

First of all, the Pistons apparently have two team policies under coach Michael Curry. One is to complain to the officials about every single call that goes against them. I know the Cavs aren't shy about expressing their feelings to the refs either, and I wish they would pick their spots more carefully, but the Pistons are constantly whining. It's tiresome. Everything that goes against them, they absolutely cannot believe it, no matter how obvious it is to anyone else. It's simply amazing to me how they can keep this up for 48 minutes.

The second team policy is: fall down after every shot attempt. Again, I know players flop and use other tactics to draw fouls, but you'd have thought the floor was covered with banana peels and marbles the way Pistons were going down after launching shot attempts, even ones where they were clearly not touched.

The irony is that the Pistons themselves are a dirty bunch of hackers. Lots of elbows and cheap shots thrown, a few called, a few not. A more classic example of the pot calling the kettle black, I cannot think of. Hey Detroit, maybe go a minute without committing a cheap foul or complaining about a call, and maybe you can establish some credibility? No? OK, suit yourself.

I enjoyed some of the postgame reaction from the Piston locker room as well. I noticed during the game that AI didn't get a whole lot of minutes last night - apparently, so did he:

"I can play 18 minutes with my eyes closed and a 100-pound truck on my back. I'm wondering what the rush was to get me back. It's a bad time for me mentally. I'm just trying to get through it without starting a whole bunch of nonsense. I'm looking at the big picture, if I vent my frustrations, then it's on. Being who I am, fingers are going to be pointed at me. People are going to make a big deal out of it. I'm just trying to laugh as much as I can and stop from crying."

Wow, what a rambling wreck of a quote. AI actually had a pretty good game - I can't figure out why he didn't get more PT. That doesn't mean I think this is an especially effective way of communicating that, though. Also: a 100-pound truck?

Also, we get everyone's favorite Piston, Rasheed Wallace, who was playing his first game back after missing 11 due to injury. Wallace got his customary stupid technical for arguing, this time late in a close game, and having reached 16 T's for the year (even with all the missed time - such efficiency!), he'll automatically be suspended for a game by the league. Your take on this, Rasheed?

"I don't care. That shit doesn't faze me. That's what happens when you speak the truth."

Missing a game due to suspension because you can't control yourself from yelling at people doesn't faze you? I can't think of anything that sums up Rasheed Wallace better than that. Also: I've never heard Wallace say anything that struck me as "truth." As for the game, Wallace made three 3-pointers midway through the game, but down the stretch he tossed up a series of five crucial bricks and committed several brainless personal fouls that helped the Cavs to victory. He even fouls like a jerk, taking these big swipes at players and (of course) acting incredulous when he's whistled for it. I especially liked his late slash on LBJ, who scored anyway and flexed for the crowd. Wallace obviously didn't like that, and went over to complain to James, but at this point, what do you even have to say? Enjoy your first-round playoff exit.


Alex Oppenheimer said...

Here are some reasons why...

Anonymous said...