NBA playoff non-analysis

Have you ever wondered how little effort someone can put into an NBA playoff preview column and yet still publish and sign his name to it? Well, you're about to find out. I'm not going to project future rounds because talking about potentially non-existent playoff series is a waste of time. If you pressed me, I'd say Detroit over LA in the Finals.


Eastern Conference First Round

(1)Celtics vs. (8)Hawks
Wait, the Atlanta Hawks? In the playoffs? How long have I been asleep?
Celtics in 3


(2)Pistons vs. (7)76ers
Tough draw for Philly here - I think they could take down most of the East right now, but not Boston, and not Detroit either. This Piston club won 59 games (!) this year and all you ever hear about is Boston and the teams out West. Watch out for these guys.
Pistons in 5


(3)Magic vs (6)Raptors
I have no insight into this series whatsoever, which makes me think maybe it will be a fun one to check out. Seriously, how am I supposed to analyze this? I have seen the Cavs play both clubs and they generally had a tougher time against the Magic (1-3) than the Riptors (3-1). Add in Orlando's home-court and superior outside shooting and I think that's the pick. I'd rather see Toronto win, though. Their point guard Jose Calderon has 58 assists and ONE turnover this month. That's astounding.
Magic in 7


(4)Cavaliers vs. (5)Wizards
Once...twice...three times a crazy point guard.
OK, I'm too hard on Agent Zero, especially since he makes a good point about wanting to draw the Cavaliers in the first round for the third straight season. Wouldn't you? The Cavs haven't played that well recently, LeBron's back is sore, and the Wizards are extra-motivated aftr having been dispatched by Cleveland two years straight. Compared to a lot of other opponents, the Cavs look like a reasonable target. That doesn't make Arenas' latest missive any more decipherable:

With a team like the Cavaliers and a player like LeBron, all you need is distractions. We got to be Bush. We got to be Bush-league. We're having everybody talking about the war, when we just want to get the oil. We're Bushing it. That's all we're doing. We're trying distract LeBron over here while we try to get some wins over there. That's all we're doing.

Right, Gilbert. Cavs in 6


Western Conference First Round

(1)Lakers vs (8)Nuggets
What a strange, strange team the Denver Nuggets are. FCF loyalist Dave should enjoy this pick.
Lakers in 5


(2)Hornets vs (7)Mavericks
I have this terrific old rap CD by Prince Paul (A Prince Among Thieves) where in one song they keep saying "Prince Paul!" over the background and it sounds like they're saying "Chris Paul!"
Hornets in 7 (though this has serious upset potential)


(3)Spurs vs (6)Suns
I'm tired of the Spurs, and I think Phoenix is as well.
Suns in 6


(4)Jazz vs (5)Rockets
These are good matchups out west, no? Other than the 1-8, we've got some neat games going on here. Deron Williams creates too many problems for the Rockets - even when they won 22 straight I never had a really high opinion of Houston for some reason. Maybe the state it's located in (I picked against all 3 Texas clubs)
Yazz in 6