Sunday, February 3

Trashing the Baltimore Ravens

This was, at one point, part of my Super Bowl pick, but got so out-of hand that I had to post these comments separately. Let's get back to the recently-denied art modell for a moment.

I'm really starting to hate the way the ratbirds and their fans advocate relentlessly for that douche making the HoF. Can't they divorce themselves from the situation at all? I know, you're happy to have a team and he's the thief who brought it to you - I get that. Football is fun and you guys win a lot. But can't Ravens fans separate themselves from their personal situation at all, look at it objectively, and acknowledge that stealing a franchise from a fanbase like that is just wrong? How come Ravens fans are never clamoring for Robert Irsay's induction? That's what I thought. Nick sent me an article by the delightfully-named Peter Schmuckwhere Schmuck argues in favor of modell's induction, opening with:

There is little question that Art Modell would be in the Pro Football Hall of Fame by now if he had not uprooted the financially strapped Cleveland Browns and moved the franchise to Baltimore almost two decades ago.

Even if you agree with this, and I don't, what has this bit of rhetoric accomplished? The only way this opening line makes sense is if you follow it with, "But he did, so he doesn't. The end." This is like a Defense Attorney at a robbery trial saying, "If my client hadn't stolen these goods, he wouldn't even be in this courtroom today." Ridiculous. A far better take on modell, one with actual facts and such, is Larry Durstin's excellent Daily Beast take on the situation. Durstin crushes Schmuck's weak arguments, pointing out that, in addition to stealing the Browns and really doing nothing Hall-worthy, modell also fired Paul Brown in the most disrespectful fashion he could arrange, ran Jim Brown out of town, and spearheaded the NFL's initial, moronic, blackout rule.

Bye, Art. You suck.

Hey, as long as I'm eviscerating Ravens "icons," how about that Ray Lewis? What a classy guy! Sure, he participated in a double homicide and ratted out his friends to escape blame, but now he loves Jesus and inspires people and does those dumb dances! We're not supposed to talk about his six kids with four different women, of course, nor the murders, because he's a changed man, you see. He's also a cheater, as the recent PED scandal (what a shock that he denies it!) illustrates. Was anyone surprised by this? That a man with no discernible ethics who returned - at age 37 - in half the normal time from a very serious injury had a little chemical help? (Deer antlers!) I'm not. And just like modell, I want to see Lewis denied this final honor as Colin Kaepernick (a November 3 birthday!) and company destroy them on Super Bowl Sunday. I'm not even struggling internally with backing a michigan grad coach - that's how much I want Baltimore to go down in flames. (Plus, michigan got theirs at the hands of the Hoosiers last night. Did you see those "WE ON" shirts they wore? Somehow, improbably, michigan keeps finding new ways to out-lame themselves.)

Go Niners.


Nick said...

I like how Schmuck throws in "the financially strapped Cleveland Browns" as if that excuses Modell. Hey Pete, who was the owner of the Browns who led them into financial ruin?

Modell went broke twice as an NFL owner. Think about how impossible that is - owning an NFL franchise is basically a license to print money. It's been the most popular sport in the country since the 70's or 80's depending on who you talk to and these franchises do nothing but appreciate in value. The Lerner family ran the Browns into the ground for over a decade, then sold the Browns for double the original price tag.

Fuck you, Art Modell. You robbed me of one of my favorite things in the world during my formative years, simply because you were a putz, and you deserve every ounce of venom that Cleveland fans sent your way.

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