NFL Picks: Week 15

I see that the bigger number is in front of the smaller number next to my name, and I'm not sure I remember what that means, but I think it's a positive.

Last Week
Figgs: 11-5 (!)
Joe: 9-7
Nick: 7-9 (including his post-game Browns "pick")

Figgs' $ Picks: 4-1
Nick's $ Picks: 1-3


Current Standings
Joe: 111-88-8
Nick: 100-99-8
Figgs: 92-107-8

Figgs' $ Picks: 16-19-1
Nick's $ Picks: 33-23-5


Thursday Night Football

FALCONS (-11) vs Jaguars
Figgs: Jax. Hate to go against my boys, but 11 is just too high for me. When I just checked it again, it's up to 13.5. ($ - +13.5)
Joe: Jaguars; I still haven't been able to figure Atlanta out yet, even 13 games into the season. I was prepared to pick them, since they are the one of these two teams with something to actually play for, but I thought the spread would be 6 or 7. 11 seems too high for me to trust such an unpredictable team.
Nick: Jags. Too many points for an Atlanta team that struggles to score.
Andy: Nick, I couldn't care less about Atlanta struggling to score. Also your statement isn't particularly accurate - they averaged 24 a game before this one.

Saturday Night Football

BUCCANEERS (+7) vs Cowboys
Figgs: Dallas. If Tampa is playing for pride, they must not have much, because they have been pitiful.
Joe: Cowboys; I don't totally trust Dallas, but I don't see a 4th qtr collapse coming this week. Tampa, already one of this seasons biggest disappointments, has totally mailed it in. 41 unanswered points allowed to the Jaguars? Really? Really? Really?
Nick: Cowboys. COWBOYS, COWBOYS, WIN WIN WIN!
Andy: Was this on NFL Network or something?


Sunday, 1 pm kickoff

TEXANS (-6.5) vs Panthers
Figgs: Panthers. Carolina can play some better teams close, and Houston has been inching out victories without Schaub. I expect that to continue here.
Joe:Panthers; Agreed ^^
Nick: Texans. Because Houston quietly remains one of the most complete teams in football, and I think they can ram the ball down Carolina's throat all day. Roethlisberger style.
Andy: I'm kinda bummed that Houston can't go 8-8 this season.

GIANTS (-7) vs Redskins
Figgs: NYG. Washington's terrible, and Eli is quietly having an MVP-caliber year.
Joe: Giants; I love the way Eli is playing, and Jason Pierre-Paul is the latest of the never ending Giant D Line studs. He had one of the single best performances I've ever seen on Sunday night. His safety, blocked FG and sack/fumble all resulted directly in Giant points.
Nick: G-Men. GIANTS, GIANTS, HELP US GOD!
Andy: There is only one professional football team in New York State, and that team sometimes plays in New Jersey.

BUFFALOES (PK) vs Dolphins
Figgs: Fins. The Jills just can't seem to get out of this slide.
Joe: Bills; Another gut feeling. They've shown no reason to pick them since the Fitzpatrick signing. But, I'm picking them anyway. (Note: Erie people without the ticket are being forced to watch Bengals/Rams on Sunday because the Bills couldn't sell this game out. Their fans seemed to have a different take on things when they had their hot start. Can you say Fairweather?)
Nick:
Andy: As in "Fairweather Johnson", Hootie and the Blowfish's second album?

BEARS (-3.5) vs Seahawks
Figgs: 'Hawks. Seattle isn't the same team away from Quest, but I think they have enough to take down a beat up Chicago team. ($)
Joe: Seahawks; Beast mode is playing inspired and believe it or not, Seattle actually has the better QB in this game.
Nick: Birds. Because the Seahawks can sing about how they soar through the air and protect their eggs from predators. ($)
Andy: Stupid fast.

VIKINGS (+7) vs Saints
Figgs: Vikes. The Saints have also had their struggles on the road. 7 is just a bit too high.
Joe: Saints; It is on the road, but in a dome, they should still feel like they are at home. I love watching Drew Brees play football.
Nick: Saints. Because the streets of New Orleans are filled with more vomit-per-capita than the streets of Minneapolis.
Andy: I'm surprised that there are this many teams who wear purple in their uniforms, but only one in all the Big 4 sports has brown at all.

RAMS (+6) vs Bengals
Figgs: Cincy. I don't like the Bungles at all, but the Rams have given me absolutely zero reason to ever pick them against any team with any spread.
Joe: Rams; I don't know why. Just a gut feeling I guess. I think the Bengals are still a year away and, being a young team, I could see them blowing a game on the road that they should win.
Nick: Bengals. The Bengals, because they are way higher on the food chain. ($ -3)
Andy: The Bengals' logo takes up a shocking amount of surface area on their field.

COLTS (+7) vs Titans
Figgs: Indy. If this is just a half point lower I'm probably taking the Titans, but they are just not good enough for me to feel comfortable giving a full touchdown on the road.
Joe: Titans; I suppose this could be where the Colts get their one win, but then I remember that Dan Orlovsky is their QB. So I don't see that win coming at all this year.
Nick: Titans. Because when they moved, they didn't do it in the middle of the night.
Andy: Eddie George was a Titan.

CHIEVES (+14) vs Packers
Figgs: Pack. That's four straight games where the road team is favored by 6+ - that is nuts. I could use a big game from Rodgers in the semifinals of my fantasy playoffs.
Joe: Packers; They are so good, and Rodgers is so fun too watch, it's hard to even break down their games. Every week it's humongous spread, all three of us picking them to cover, and then Green Bay blowing even the huge spread out of the water.
Nick: Pack. Because they have the fattest female fans I've ever seen.
Andy: To Joe's point, the Pack are averaging a 14.5-point victory this season and are 9-4 ATS. The only time they don't cover is when Nick gets cocky with his selection. That and on the road, where they are just 4-3 ATS.


Sunday, 4 pm kickoff

CARDINALS (-7) vs Browns
Figgs: BROWNS. I know we suck, but SEVEN points to the Cardinals? Johnny Bones has been racking up the W's recently, but I like our chances here. BEER WE GO BROWNIES!! ($)
Joe: Browns; The Cards have been playing very well lately, beating good teams. There's no reason they shouldn't blow us out. That being said, I'm picking the Goddamn Browns.
Nick: Browns. Because they're running the Cyclone Package.
Andy: I love making all of you opt out if you want to go against the Browns. I'm also delighted that Johnny Bones has caught on.

RAIDERS (+1) vs Lions
Figgs: Lions. No McFadden again, I'll take Detroit to stay in the playoff picture while Oakland's hopes fade even more.
Joe: Raiders; Two fading teams, but I'll take the home team. Bush has been great in Run DMC's absense and Detroit doesn't strike me as a team capable of winning in a tough road atmosphere. Maybe they'll prove me wrong, but I have to see it before I'll pick it.
Nick: Lions. Because Tim Taylor roots for them.
Andy: Home Improvement holds up worse than any sitcom I know of. It's remarkable how unfunny it is - it's almost to the point where it would seem more difficult to write something this tragically not funny than to at least stumble upon a few amusing jokes, almost like it's a Neil Hamburger-style deconstruction of sitcom conventions, except it isn't.

BRONCOS (+6.5) vs Patriots
Figgs: Pats. Another home 6+ dog. Tebow magic ends this week.
Joe:Broncos; It is the most inexplicable thing sports has ever seen, but it just keeps happening. They have secondary issues, so Brady should pick them apart. But New England's secondary is brutal, so Tebow should be able to do better in the early qtrs this week. I look more for the Denver/Minnesota 35-32 type game than their 13-10 type games against everyone else.
Nick: Tebow. Because of this ($ +7.5)
Andy: The NFL's broadcasting rules are so insanely fucking stupid that it makes one wonder how the league rose to such prominence. How does it make sense not to have a doubleheader at 1 pm and then one at 4 pm? More games, more viewers. Very wise of the NFL to shut the Cleveland market out of this game after we've flipped off the Browns game by halftime.

I wrote extensively about Tim Tebow on my other blog this week, but let me briefly answer the question Rick Reilly asks in his article about "Tom and Tim," which concludes by asking the reader "Who do you like?" Um...I'll take the two-time MVP who's passed for 4300 yards this season over the guy with the 48.5% completion percentage. Do I have to give odds or something?

EAGLES (-3) vs Jets
Figgs: NYJ. The Eagles are actually somehow still in the NFC East race. If they finish 8-8 along with the Giants and Cowboys, Philly wins all tie-breakers. Their slim hopes end this week.
Joe:Eagles; Vick is back and looked good last week. This would be my 1 point game in confidence points this week, but I'll reluctantly roll with Philly.
Nick: Eagles. Because their fans throw snowballs at Santa.
Andy: Nick, you should have saved the Eagle joke for this game! The Jets play in New Jersey.


Sunday Night Football

CHARGERS (+2.5) vs Ravens
Figgs: SD. It's December, when Rivers apparently doesn't lose, and Baltimore is prone to laying eggs on the road. ($)
Joe: Chargers; I hope I'm wrong, but Baltimore is so much worse on the road than at home, and Rivers loves this time of year. The Bolts have been great the last two weeks. I think they keep it up here.
Nick: Ravens. Because they aren't the fucking steelers. ($)
Andy: Whenever I see the last name Rivers, I think of Val Kilmer as Nick Rivers in Top Secret!, the most underrated of all the ZAZ slapstick comedies. Hilarious movie.


Monday Night Football

49ERS (-2.5) vs steelers
Figgs: Steelers. Ewww. ($)
Joe: 49ers; Suck It Pittsburgh!
Nick:
Andy: I like to imagine James Harrison sitting at home with this game on TV, while assaulting someone for no good reason.

Figgs Teaser: Dallas (PK)/Tennessee (PK)/New Orleans (PK)/Green Bay (-7)
Nick's Teasers
---Seahawks (-1 on Monday night), ATL (-1), Pack (-3.5)
---Bengals (-.5), Titans (-1), Saints (-.5)