NFL Picks: Week 14

Last Week
Nick: 8-8
Joe: 7-9
Figgs: 5-11

Nick's $ Picks: 3-2

Current Standings
Joe: 102-81-8
Nick: 93-90-8
Figgs: 81-102-8

Figgs' $ Picks: 12-18-1
Nick's $ Picks: 32-20-5


Thursday Night Football

STEELERS (-14) vs Browns
Figgs: BROWNS. Tough to lose after hearing Joe's speech. I'm in.
Joe: Browns; No reason to analyze this pick, so I decided to give our Browns a little pep talk. "Come on boys! This hasn't been our season, hell this hasn't been our decade, but all of that goes out the window with a victory against these guys. The steelers and, more importantly their fans, are laughing at us. They think we're a joke. I had a Steeler fan tell me recently that he roots for us when we're not playing each other. Nice Steeler fans infuriate me more than douchebag fans. What I want is for them to hate us as much as we hate them. The only way to do it is to be a competent and competetive football team. So we must go out there and not hold anything back. Play this game as if it is the Super Bowl. A win for us probably keeps them from winning the division, so this game is huge for them. I say, Fuck that! It's huge for us! Next year, we can worry about getting back to competing for division titles and playoff spots, but right now this is the only game that matters. Primetime. National TV audience. If you can't get up for that, then get the hell out. There's only one thing for us to do tonight, and it can be summed up in three simple letters: WIN!!!"
Nick: Browns, clearly.


Sunday, 1 pm kickoff

JAGUARS (+2) vs Bucs
Figgs: Jax. Two bad teams, might as well take the home team getting points.
Joe: Jaguars; Eh, home team I guess.
Nick: Bucs, just because they've played a tough schedule and might start to bounce back.

REDSKINS (+9) vs Patriots
Figgs: Pats. It's a sad time when I'm really rooting for NE and Baltimore to make the Super Bowl.
Joe: Patriots; Brady's rolling. No reason to go against him at this point.
Nick: Pats. It's a lot of points on the road, but the Pats are peaking and the Skins are plummeting. ($ -8)

BENGALS (-3) vs Texans
Figgs: Texans. As I've been saying all year, Cinncy just isn't very good. T.J Yates just needs to hand the ball to #23 and Houston should be fine. ($)
Joe: Texans; No QB, but they beat ATL anyway. And I think the Bengals are starting to be exposed for what they truly are, and that is an 8-8 football team.
Nick: Bengals. Rookie fifth round QB in his first road start.

JETS (-10.5) vs Chieves
Figgs: KC. Right on with what Joe said again. The Jets don't seem to blow teams out.
Joe: Chiefs; Too many points to feel confident riding the Sanchize.
Nick: Jets. Tyler. Palko.

LIONS (-10) vs Vikings
Figgs: Vikes. Just like the NYJ game, this line is just a couple points too high for me. Not confident enough in Detroit to lay double-digits.
Joe: Vikings; I like Ponder to keep this close enough to take the points here. The Lions could be a lot better if their coach taught them some discipline instead of purposely letting his doucheyness rub off on them.
Nick: Vikes. Too many points with Adrian Peterson playing.

TITANS (+3.5) vs Saints
Figgs: Saints. Tennessee is the epitome of average. NO > average. ($)
Joe: Saints; See my Patriots comment and insert Brees for Brady.
Nick: Titans. This is the type of game New Orleans blows on the road, right?

DOLPHINS (-3) vs Eagles
Figgs: Philly. I was all about taking the Fins here, but I just can't give points when the talent level is so much in favor of the underdogs. Maybe Vick coming back will give them a little spark.
Joe: Dolphins; Identical records. The difference is one team has been playing like they give a shit instead of throwing in the towel. I'll take that team.
Nick: Dolphins. I'll keep taking them until I have a reason not to.

RAVENS (-16.5) vs Colts
Figgs: ratbirds. I find myself agreeing with what Joe said often this week. Considering our records, I'll take that as a good thing.
Joe: Ravens; I correctly took the Colts with the biggest spread on the board last week, but this week I won't bite. Even if they don't get absolutely slaughtered, Baltimore could still cover, something like 31-14.
Nick: Colts. Orlovsky moved the ball last week, and the Ravens are always prone to letdown games.

PANTHERS (+3) vs Falcons
Figgs: ATL. The Falcons know how much they need this one, and they come out ready.
Joe: Panthers; Home game for Cam playing the spoiler role. Falcons might make the playoffs anyway out of default (Cutler's injury and Lions self-destructing).
Nick: Panthers. One of the toughest games on the board, but I'll take the home dog. Falcons are beat up on offense and have been very unimpressive all year long.


Sunday, 4 pm kickoff

BRONCOS (-3.5) vs Bears
Figgs: Denver. I hate to do it, but continually picking against them even when I think they will win just out of spite for Tebow is starting to hurt me in the standings (he says as if that's all that's holding him back). No Cutler OR Forte? Stick a fork in these guys.
Joe: Broncos; I see both a playoff appearance AND a Pro Bowl appearance in the future of young Timmy T! The Bears would be 9-3 and coasting into the playoffs right now if it wasn't for Cutler going down. Tough break for them.
Nick: Broncos. TEEBALL! ($)

CARDINALS (+3.5) vs 49ers
Figgs: SanFran. The Niners got back on track against a shitty Rams team last week, they keep it rolling against a shitty Cardinals team here. ($ -4)
Joe: 49ers, although the Cards have played quietly really well lately. Still, the Niners are the class of that division and I think they show it on Sunday.
Nick: Niners. ($)

CHARGERS (-7.5) vs Buffaloes
Figgs: SD. Wasn't too sure about this one, but Buffalo's offense is putrid without Fred Jackson and they're traveling to the West Coast.
Joe: Chargers; Bolts finally came to play on MNF, but this year I think it will be too late to slide into the playoffs. Even still, as long as they are breathing mathematically, they should play inspired and blow out a Bills team that was brought back to earth about 5 weeks ago.
Nick: Bills. Too many points, and the Bills have to wake up sometime.

PACKERS (-11) vs Raiders
Figgs: GB. Since I have a bye this week in the Fantasy playoffs, I'll try to get in touch with Mike Mccarthy and see if we can get Rodgers a day off. Since I will most likely be unsuccessful and he'll play, I'll take the Pack.
Joe: Packers; Aa-ron Rog-ers! clap clap clap-clap-clap
Nick: Pack. The Raiders appear ripe for collapse.


Sunday Night Football

COWBOYS (-3.5) vs Giants
Figgs: NYG. I'm not counting the G-Men out yet either, Joe. Frankly I just think they are a better team than Dallas. ($)
Joe: Giants; Every expert seems to be going the other way, but I'm not counting the Giants out yet. The last time they took an undefeated team down to the wire late in the season, it worked out pretty well for them in the end. Just sayin.
Nick: Giants. Not sure why Dallas is getting more than the standard three.


Monday Night Football

SEAHAWKS (-9.5) vs Rams
Figgs: 'Hawks. This is awful, just awful.
Joe: Seahawks; Is this seriously the Monday night game? Well, I'm not taking the team starting Tom Brandstater at QB, that's for sure.
Nick: Hawks. Defense + Beast Mode.


Figgs $ teaser: New England (-2)/Atlanta (+3.5)/Green Bay (-5.5)
Nick's teaser: Pats (+2) / Jets (-0.5) / Pack (-1.5)