NFL Picks: Week 4

Last week
Andy: 9-7
Figgs: 9-7
Nick: 9-7
Nick's money games ($): 4-0 (!!!!)
Nick's teaser: 1-0
Browns blood is on your hands, Nick, for picking the Ravens. Yeah, you tied me, but I have some dignity. I mean, not a whole lot, but some.
Nick: Betting should be a heartless endeavor. I play to win, Francis.

Year to date
Andy: 27-21
Figgs: 26-22
Nick: 26-22
Nick's money games ($): 4-2
Nick's teaser: 2-1

Sunday games
1:00 pm kickoffs

BROWNS (+5.5) vs Bengals
Andy: Alright, here's the deal. I like to think of myself as a clear-thinking, rational person in most matters. I am a scientist, after all. I try to make judgments and assessments based on facts and probabilities, rather than "gut feel," which I think is a stupid way to make decisions. One area where I relax this policy is: sports. I know my teams suck, but I support them fully anyway and delude myself each week into thinking that the Browns will compete. To that end, with I think just one exception, I've taken the Browns week in and week out here in our NFL picks as a token of loyalty, even in cases (last week jumps out at me) where I didn't think they had any chance at all. Well, you know what? Logic is back, and it tells me that I really don't owe the Browns anything at this point. I'll keep watching and backing the club, but I'll be damned if I'm going to drop another game to Nick in the standings just out of some aimless principle. I wouldn't take the Browns getting anything less than a touchdown if I were a fan of any other team, and I'm not going to here either. Can you imagine someone walking into a sports book, laying down money, and saying, "I want the Browns at +5.5"? No, you can't. As I said last week: fuck it, Bengals.
Figgs: Hey, you're dropping games to me too, not just Nick. Cinncy.
Nick: Andy's Wordy McWordsmith this week. Bengals. ($)

BEARS (-10) vs Lions
Andy: The Onion: "Lions Victory Celebration Ultimately Plunges Fans Into Deeper Depression." I'll take the Bears.
Figgs: Bears. No way the Lions win two in a row.
Nick: It will be tough for the Lions to keep from having a letdown this week. Bears.

COLTS (-10.5) vs Seahawks
Andy: Wow, that's a lot of points, even with Seneca Wallace involved. I'll take Seattle, regretfully.
Figgs: That is a lot of points, but c'mon, Seneca Wallace? Indy.
Nick: Tough one for me to pick. I'll go She-hawks.

CHIEVES (+9) vs Giants
Andy: G-men. Give me one reason not to.
Figgs: Giants.
Nick: Love the Giants here. Bad weather's the only way KC has a chance to beat the spread. ($)

REDSKINS (-7.5) vs Buccaneers
Andy: I'll go with Tampa Bay. I can't give more than a TD to back a team that just lost to Detroit.
Figgs: Bucs. Redskins win but it'll be closer than a touchdown.
Nick: I'll go Skins. Bucs have a first year QB and this is an absolute must-win for Washington.

JAGS (+3) vs Titans
Andy: Tennessee. Come on, they have to win one here, right?
Figgs: Titans. They can't go 0-4.
Nick: Titans, possibly big. I'm banking on the Titans not going 0-4, and the Jaguars not being good enough to play well twice in a row. ($)

TEXANS (-9) vs Raiders
Andy: The Onion again: "JaMarcus Russell Knows He's Supposed To Do Something With Brown Ball In Hand." This guy is simply amazing. Texans.
Figgs: Texans.
Nick: Kind of like the Bucs, it's tough for me to pick the Raiders against a decent team when I don't have to give double-digits. Completing 40% of his passes is a good day for JaMarcus Russell.

PATRIOTS (-1.5) vs Ravens
Andy: The Onion's "What do you think?" regarding the Patriots' loss to the Jets: "Tom Brady needs to start stepping into his throws or else he's never going to suffer another painful, crippling injury." Meanwhile, I guessed this line at +3. Ravens.
Figgs: Pats let me down each week, so I went against them last week and got burned again. That being said, I hate Baltimore. Pats.
Nick: Gotta love the Ratbirds here. They're my early AFC Super Bowl pick.

4:00 pm kickoffs
SAINTS (-7) vs Jets
Andy: Ladies and Gentlemen, The Onion: "Drew Brees Saving Up Arm Strength For One Big 3,000 Yard Pass." Sanchez and the Jets aren't ready for this. Saints.
Figgs: Jets.
Nick: The Jets have a good defense, but I don't think that their offense can keep up with New Orleans'.

DOLPHINS (+1.5) vs Bills
Andy: Who's QB'ing the Fish now? Anyone? I'll take the Buffaloes.
Figgs: I will not pick Miami for the rest of the year as long as Henne is still starting. Bills.
Nick: Since when was Chad Pennington playing like Peyton Manning? Miami gets off the schnide this week.

BRONCOS (+3) vs Cowboys
Andy: It's not that the Cowboys are overrated, it's that they have such a wide fan base that Dallas lines have to be set artificially favorable to get equal action on both sides. That's my guess anyway. My other guess is that the Broncos win this game.
Figgs: The Broncos aren't for real. Dallas.
Nick: This like is absurd, and most Dallas lines are a little bit inflated as Andy surmised. "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HOME, DALLAS? YOU CAN'T BEAT DENVER!"

49ERS (-9.5) vs Rams
Andy: San Francisco should be 3-0. That's all there is to it. They know it, they're going to come out aggressive and mean, they're at home, and the Rams suck. San Fran.
Figgs: Niners.
Nick: I also like San Francisco here. Apparently Mike Singletary's a pretty good coach. This baby moved from 10 to 9.5 on my site, and that was enough for me. ($)


8:20 pm kickoff
STEELERS (-6.5) vs Chargers
Andy: Too many points, even as not sold as I am on San Diago in general. If Polamalu was in, what would this be, 8? 9? How many safeties move a line like that guy?
Figgs: Chargers.
Nick: If it's under a TD, I usually pick the team that I think will win the game. This is almost a must-win for Pittsburgh, and I'm going to pick them here.


Monday Night Game
8:30 pm kickoff

VIKINGS (-3.5) vs Packers
Andy: The Onion, on the keys to the game for the Vikings: "Use 2-pronged rushing attack of Adrian Peterson and Adrian Peterson wearing Chester Taylor's jersey." Vikes.
Figgs: I'd take the home team either way. Vikes.
Nick: Although I'd like to pull for Green Bay here, financial obligations have me rooting for the Vikes. ($)

Nick's Teaser: Parlay the Bengals (-6) with the Giants (-9) and the Titans (-3). Pays almost 6-1 if I hit it.