Random Michigan-bashing

Hey, why not? It's more fun than writing about the Indians.

- I'm sort of torn as I watch today's Notre Dame - Michigan tilt. I really don't care for either team, yet there's no way both can lose that I'm aware of. For the sake of Ohio State and the Big Ten, it seems rational that I should pull for the Wolverines. On the other hand, even though I dislike the Irish for several reasons, I absolutely hate the school up north. The competition for my least favorite sports team overall has only three legitimate contenders, and the Steelers and Ravens sort of siphon votes from one another, leaving only these morons from the oddly-named town of Ann Arbor.

- Touchdown Irish!! Rational behavior isn't always the order of the day, and I'm flat-out rooting for Notre Dame here. I can't be something I'm not, and the stunned, disappointed faces of Michigan fans are almost as good as Hines Ward's dejected expression walking off the field after his fumble at the end of Thursday's game. I'm willing to sacrifice some small measure of conference prestige to indulge my joy at the defeat of an archrival. Go Notre Dame!

- One fan in the stands was sporting a "Beat Ohio State" t-shirt. In what?

- Michigan's QB is named "Tate Forcier." Not much I need to add to that, except that it reads "T. Forcier" on the back of his uniform, meaning there must be another Forcier on the roster. I'm already spending too much time on this article to look it up.

- The turning point for me today may have been Michigan's first touchdown, which prompted the playing of their awful fight song, arrogantly titled "The Victors." Even substituting the dirty words in my brain (I actually don't even know any of the real ones), I can't listen to it. Notre Dame, on the other hand, has a totally boss fight song. Any tune that figures into the plot of Airplane! is good with me.

- On a slightly tangential note, it's a good thing the Penn State band doesn't have to pay royalties every time they play "Seven Nation Army," because they would owe Jack White roughly the school's entire endowment.

- What is this supposed to be at Michigan Stadium, a yellow-out? Is it even really called Michigan Stadium (editor's note: yes)? I pretty much only hear it called "The Big House," which is staggeringly uncreative. According to Wikipedia, it's also referred to as "The Carnegie Hall of All Sports" and is also known as "the House that Yost built." I have now three sub-points to this bullet:
a) No one calls it "The Carnegie Hall of All Sports." No one. Ever.
b) No one calls it "The House That Yost Built." No one. Ever.
c) Maybe this explains why they stuck with the "Big House." Michigan doesn't do creativity.

- They don't do defense, either, not in this half anyway. This is a pretty entertaining game, as it turns out.

- I like the sort of unfair double-standards that sports fanaticism allows one to apply. Check it out:
1) "Michigan Stadium" is a stupid, unclever name for a stadium hosting one of sports' most pathetic teams.
2) "Ohio Stadium" is a simple, classy, traditional name befitting a fine university and football team with a rich tradition.

- Last week, I saw fans with a banner reading "In Rod We Trust." What, exactly, is it about coach Rich Rodriguez that you find trustworthy? The offseason practice scandal? His unethical and acrimonious departure from West Virginia? Or do you simply trust that he'll lead the team back to prominence, based entirely on last year's 3-9 mark?

- Ha ha, "last year's 3-9 mark." Ha!

- Michigan's last two graduating classes of football players (assuming they actually graduate) both left the school having posted career 0-4 marks against Ohio State. So will the next two. That's a beautiful thing. A someone who watched every one of the 1988-2000 contests, during which OSU posted an abysmal 2-10-1 record against their archrivals (a youthful Francis attended the tie and at least one of the losses), this is a long time coming. As Marsellus Wallace would say, I ain't through with you by a damn sight.

- One thing I left out of my piece on the Aeros from a few days ago was that the guy who was working the Ohio Brewing tap sported a Michigan cap, and seemed to have no grasp whatsoever of the idea that I would give him US currency in exchange for the beer. If I wasn't so ethical, I might have walked away with a coupla free beers. It's like the hat sucks out your brainpower, like getting a Metroid stuck on your head.

- In other news involving college football being played by teams from the state of Michigan: come on, Michigan State. I have none of the qualms rooting for you that I do with the other Big TenEleven school in your state, and you lose to Central Michigan? The same Central Michigan that I hate because of their insistence that they own the rights to the acronym "CMU" even though Carnegie Mellon is a much finer institution, we have the website cmu.edu, and you can't actually own a fucking acronym? That Central Michigan? Ugh.

- Do I like Bob Greise openly rooting against the Buckeyes because his son went to the school up north? Nope, I sure don't. My Dad has also made it clear that he does not care for "Greasy Bob"'s perspective.

- Wikipedia also lists Michigan as having 11 "Claimed National Championships," which is an interesting bit of wordplay. It makes one suspect that they're trying to get their hands on titles that aren't actually theirs. I recall reading something to this effect once, and frankly, the idea of them doing this is so consistent with my view of the school that I'm going to accept it as fact uncritically, without researching it.

Go Bucks.

Aeros fever!

I had the pleasure last evening of attending game two of the Eastern League Divisional Series, where the Indians' AA affiliate, the Akron Aeros, defeated the Reading Phillies 6-2 to take a commanding 2-0 lead in their best-of-5 series. A couple of notes on the game:

- Reading is an affiliate of the Philadelphia Phillies, and are exceptionally creatively named: the Reading Phillies. Their uniforms list them as the "R-Phils," which has no ring to it whatsoever. Furthermore, when you consider that "Phillies" is one of the lamest team names in all of pro sports, couldn't Reading have spent five minutes thinking of a better name. How about "Reading Railroaders"? There, I spent 30 seconds and thought of something way better than "R-Phils." I'm going to call them the Railroaders for the rest of this article.

- Canal Park is a beautiful stadium, even nicer than my low-res picture at right indicates. Really a lot nicer than Huntington Park, the new home of the AAA Columbus Clippers. Plus, all seats are just $10! We were only 4 rows behind the Railroader dugout, which meant easy heckling of improbably-named Reading catcher Tuffy Gosewisch.

It turned out to be Thirsty Thursday, as the club was offering 12-oz beers for $1 through the third inning. It was good beer too - the Ohio Brewing Company was there with their wares, including the Ohio Fest beer that won the People's Choice Award at last weekend's Cleveland Oktoberfest, as well as the coveted Best Beer Andy Francis Tried All Night Award at the same event.

I attended the game with my buddy Fanuc, and needless to say, we discovered this promotion immediately after the 3rd inning. Oh well.

- It was nice to get an opportunity to see some of the Tribesmen of the future get some action. Jeanmar Gomez, the Eastern League pitcher of the year, pitched 6+ strong innings, losing a shutout bid only at the end. I also got a look at Lonnie Chisenhall (3-3 on the game), Beau Mills, and, of course, Eastern League MVP Carlos Santana.

- Neither team did anything offensively through 3 1/2 innings, until Santana absolutely unloaded on a pitch from Railroader starter Yohan Flande. Crushed. It was still rising when it cleared the wall. I lost sight of it. The writeup I read on aeros.com claims it landed in the canal beyond left field, but I'm not convinced it ever landed. Goodness. Apparently, concerns over Santana's communication skills are keeping him from the Majors for now. I don't care if the guy speaks only Klingon - let's have him up to Progressive Field for a few games. We already have like six catchers on our roster - what's one more? DH him for all I care. Tell me you wouldn't rather see him take a few whacks over Hafner for a couple of games.

- The Aeros have a guy in uniform (no number) whose name is listed as "BATMAN" and who sports a Batman belt buckle and retrieves the visitors' bats, often twirling them through his legs (the bats, not the visitors). He's a bit of an entertainer, both intentionally and unintentionally. Everytime I saw him, I thought of the Batdad from the Little League episode of South Park.

- Excellent work was done by Aeros in-game host Calvin Funkhouser, a fellow New Philadelphia High graduate. Thought I'd put that out there. At right is a photo of Calvin and his crew leading the fans in a rendition of "YMCA."

- Poor work was done by whomever is in charge of the Aeros' stats and publications. The two-page game program was apparently typeset using Gutenberg's original printing press, and bizarrely used 2008 stats for all of the players instead of 2009 stats, so you had no idea how well the players performed this year, which seems like the kind of thing someone reading stats might want to know. I could have made a far superior version using Excel and baseball-reference.com in a couple of hours. Aeros staff, you have my contact info. I'm willing to do this pro bono.

- Making things worse was the scoreboard display, which inexplicably presented the players' 2009 playoff statistics rather than their regular-season stats. This is the second game of the playoffs! Did they do the same thing for Game 1? Telling me that a guy is batting .250 for the postseason is in no way interesting. I get it, he went 1-4 yesterday. How about his 400 regular-season at-bats? Any news on that? Every reliever who came in got their face on the scoreboard next to a bunch of zeroes in literally every category, simply because they didn't pitch last night. This is in no way useful information. Please, Aero management, use the regular-season numbers so we can learn something!

- This is especially puzzling considering that Akron is a habitual playoff-qualifying team, so they should know better. This a winning club! Assuming they can knock off the Railroaders in one of the next three contests, they will reach their 6th Eastern League Championship series in the past 7 years. That's an impressive run. The team claimed titles in 2003 and 2005; hopefully they can add another Eastern League trophy to their mantle to sit next to their 2009 EL Southern Division regular-season crown.

Go Aeros!

Good ol' Texas thrashin'

Here are the Indians' starting pitchers' lines for the three "games" recently completed at Progressive Field against the Texas Rangers:

Carrasco: 5 IP, 5 ER, 8 H, 3 BB
Laffey: 3 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 12 H, 1 BB
Carmona: 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 6 H, 1 BB

Look at how much efficienter our starters got as the series went on! It was like a game of Name That Tune; I can give up 5+ earned runs in...3 1/3 innings! I can do it in just 2/3 inning!

Our hitters pulled a similar trick, becoming increasingly efficient at recording outs as the series went along:

Game 1:9 runs on 16 hits
Game 2:5 runs on 7 hits
Game 3:0 runs on 6 hits

Now that's making some outs!

Also: we got swept. Giving up 11, 10, and 10 runs is no kinda way to win three games. Hopefully we can hold the Royals to <10 once or twice this weekend.

Buckeyes Survive Opening Day Scare

Unfortunately, I had to work during Ohio St's season opener this past Saturday against Navy. So imagine my surprise when my text updates said that this one came down to the wire. Originally I was pretty worried that the game was this close, especially going into next weekend's showdown against USC. However, after I watched the game in its entirety, I feel much better. Ohio St drastically outplayed Navy for 54 minutes. A couple of mistakes from the Buckeyes and big plays from Navy in the game's closing minutes led the Midshipmen to within a two-point conversion from tying the game. Thanks to LB Brian Rolle's pick-two the Bucks won their 31st straight home opener.


Game Recap
Ohio St dominated the first half, outgaining Navy 226-120 and taking a 13-point lead into the break. On the game's first possession, OSU drove right down the field, ending in a 38 yard touchdown pass from Terrelle Pryor to Dane Sanzenbacher. Ohio St's defense looked confused against Navy's rare triple-option attack on their first drive. Navy responded by going 80 yards on a seven minute drive, resulting in a Ricky Dobbs 16-yard TD run to tie the game at 7. That would be about all the Middies would do in the first half, as the next 20 minutes were dominated by the Buckeyes.

Pryor led the Bucks on another good drive, this one capped off by an Aaron Pettrey FG. After a couple of punts, Thaddeus Gibson sacked Dobbs and forced a fumble. With a short field to work with, OSU had another good drive and TP ran it in the end zone to give Ohio St a 17-7 lead. Joe Bauserman gave Pryor a break on the next series and led Ohio St to another FG, making the halftime score 20-7.

The third quarter was basically only one series, that being Navy's 15 play, 99 yard drive that lasted over eight and a half minutes. Anderson Russell made a great play to down a punt at the Midshipmen 1 yard line, but Ricky Dobbs had a great drive running and throwing the ball, and hit Marcus Curry for a TD to cut the lead to 20-14. Russell got beat in a big way by Curry on the touchdown.

Pettrey showed off his incredible range by drilling a 52 yard FG to begin the 4th quarter, putting the Bucks up by nine. Two plays later, Buckeye defensive captain Kurt Coleman forced a fumble in Navy territory, leading to a touchdown run by Boom Herron. Pettrey, who minutes ago was good from over 50, missed the extra point, 29-14 Buckeyes. With under 10 minutes to play in the game, Coleman made an extraordinary interception that seemingly sealed the victory. Not quite.

On a 4th and 2 from inside the 20, Ohio St elected to go for it and Herron was stuffed, turning the ball over on downs. The very next play, Anderson Russell fell victim to Marcus Curry yet again, this one to the tune of 85 yards to put the Academy right back in the game, 29-21. With four minutes to play, Pryor made his first mistake of the game, overthrowing Sanzenbacher and leading to an INT. Starting at the OSU 32, Dobbs only needed three plays to rush into the end zone and come within a two-point conversion from tying the game. In a completely unexpected move, Navy got away from the triple option, and instead decided to spread it out four-wide for the conversion try. Dobbs looked far more confused than the Buckeye defense did, as he threw it to no one in particular and was picked off by Brian Rolle. Thaddeus Gibson landed an excellent block on the only guy that had a shot at getting Rolle, and he took it back 101 yards to the house for two points the other way. Ohio St runs out the clock and survives an early scare, winning 31-27.


Game Notes

Game Ball
Goes to Terrelle Pryor. TP looked good running and throwing the ball, going 14-21 for 174 yards with 1 TD and 1 INT through the air, and rushing it 6 times for 30 yards and another touchdown. His best plays might not look so good in the stat sheet: a 4 yard run, a 6 yard run, a 7 yard pass, and an incomplete pass, but on these four plays he showed excellent elusiveness to escape multiple Midshipmen defenders and avoid the sack. Seven different Buckeyes caught a pass, with the running backs being the favorite targets (4 grabs for 29 yards for Herron and 2 for 21 for Brandon Saine). Duron Carter, true freshman and son of Buckeye great Cris Carter, grabbed 3 balls for 21 yards. He was also open two more times where Pryor missed him. It's great to see him getting a lot of reps early on.

On a Rolle
As I mentioned in my Buckeye Preview, the OSU linebackers were very inexperienced, especially when Tyler Moeller went down for the year. Moeller's injury moved Austin Spitler from middle to strong side, and opened the door for Brian Rolle to start in the middle. After week one that looks like a blessing in disguise. Rolle seemed to be all over the field against Navy, especially in the first half. Then of course he came up with the big play that may have saved the Buckeye season with his interception and return for two points.

The Joe Bauserman Experiment
In a very odd move, Tressel sat an un-injured Pryor for the last drive of the first half in favor of Joe Bauserman. Bauserman is a redshirt sophomore with virtually no experience. The only thing I can come up with is that Tressell wanted to get the young QB some reps just in case (knock on wood) anything should happen to TP. It seemed like a strange time to do it, but Bauserman led a good drive that resulted in three points. He never really looked down field, but did a good job throwing swing passes to his running backs and finished 3/5 for 36 yards.

Offensive Line Struggles
The OL didn't look awful against Navy, but it was certainly the team's weakest link in the game. Dan Herron looked mediocre (17 carries, 72 yards, 1 TD, 4.2 YPC), and I think it was mostly due to the poor play of the o-line. Brandon Saine looked more explosive than Herron, with 9 carries for 53 yards, racking up 5.9 per carry. While these stats look pretty solid, most of their yards came on the option where Navy defenders we're more worried about focusing on Pryor. When OSU tried to slam it up the gut, they were often stuffed. In my opinion this is the biggest concern heading into next week's matchup with SC.

Speaking of the Option...
Ohio St used the option offense quite a few times in this game, and it was effective. Pryor looked as if he might have been a little worried about getting hit and pitching the ball a little too early, but in his defense Navy was focusing almost solely on him so the RB's had some room to work with. I really like this look as Pryor and Saine can both fly and could give defenses fits. Last year this play probably wouldn't have worked against the Trojans, but Rey Maualuga, Brian Cushing and Clay Matthews aren't back there this year. Expect to see a lot of this next week.

Mika Vick
That is what was written on the eye black of Terrelle Pryor. Michael Vick was a favorite of Pryor's growing up, and TP recently openly expressed his happiness for Vick being back in the league at a press conference. That's all well and good, but the eye black? Really? Could you at least write smaller and get his full name on there? I hope these don't stick around all year.

Pre-game Respect
With the controversy surrounding the pre-game ritual of opponents shaking hands, Jim Tressel showed a lot of class last week when not only did the Buckeyes and Midshipmen meet at mid field to shake hands, but for the first time in Horseshoe history both teams ran out of the same tunnel at the same time. Brutus led the way with an OSU flag with a Navy player right by his side with the American flag. A classy move by Tressel and Ohio St.


Next Game: vs. USC, 8:00, ESPN
One of the best games of the year comes in the middle of September this year. Last year in Los Angeles, USC won in a rout; this year the game is in Columbus. True freshman Matt Barkley will lead the Trojans into the Shoe for the first test in his young career. The key to the game will be limiting mistakes. Even though Pryor had a good game against Navy, he made one big mistake that almost cost his team the game. It may only take one against SC. Scorchers will be rocking, as Nick and I will join our fellow blogger Andy in Cleveland for this one as we prepare for the Browns' home opener. I could see the game going either way, and I really hope I'm wrong with this pick.
Prediction: USC 36 Ohio St 31

GET EM

(AP Photo/Terry Gilliam)

Taking a Twin from the Twins

Did you hear that sound? That was Minnesota's 2009 playoff aspirations disappearing thanks to the Indians taking two of three from them at Progressive Field this weekend.

Game 1
The first of several well-pitched games by Tribe starters came courtesy of Jeremy Sowers, who has put together a pretty good season (4.78 ERA), especially since the All-Star break. Sowers went six, giving up just two runs, and our suddenly-bulletproof bullpen (Veras, Sipp, Wood) pitched three perfect innings to seal a 5-2 victory. The Tribe finally broke through for three in the third off of Twin starter Carl Pavano (yes, the Carl Pavano), aided by one offour Twin errors. They tacked on single runs in the 6th and 7th for the final margin, though only three of their five tallies were earned.

Game 2
Thanks to Fox's stupid blackout rules, this one was radio-only, and boy was it dull. Minnesota took this one 4-1 behind Scott Baker, who absolutely dominated Cleveland in this game and for the season, posting a 0.93 ERA against the Wahoos in four starts. Andy Marte's solo shot was Cleveland's only tally. Justin Masterson had a solid start, allowing just two runs (one was unearned), though the bullpen leaked a couple more through.

Rafael Perez is completely untrustable at the moment. We really cannot use him in high-leverage or, in fact, any-leverage situations. He came on in this game with two on and two outs, committed a balk, walked a guy, and gave up a drive to the warning track that would have been 20 rows back in Yankee Stadium. Then he yielded a double to the leadoff guy in the next frame. Ugh.

Game 3
I raised my in-person record to a sparkling 4-9 by watching this one from the Mezzanine, a 3-1 come-from-behind win for the Tribe. David Huff pitched a weirdly effective game, giving up just one run on two hits (back-to-back singles, of course) over seven frames. He had a lot of trouble with the strike zone (57 strikes, 50 balls), but must have been keeping the Twins off-balance because he got a lot of them out.

Neither team collected a hit until the 4th, and the Twinkies notched their run in the 5th. Cleveland tied it on a Jhonny Peralta RBI single in the 6th, and took a 2-1 lead in the 7th on a play that ESPN describes as:

M Brantley singled to right, L Valbuena scored, M Brantley to second advancing on throw.

What actually happened was Brantley hit an RBI single, got caught in a rundown (because, unlike Brantley earlier, Minnesota's outfielder actually hit his cutoff man), and somehow extricated himself from it and landed on second base. It's been a while since I saw a guy beat a rundown in the Majors! Asdrubal Cabrera rewarded his effort, foolhardy as it was, with an RBI double for the game's final margin, as Sipp and Wood slammed the door on the Twins.

Four things marred an otherwise nice day at the ballyard:
1) The street maniac on E 9th yelling at people on my way to the park to repent or face hell. Get out of my face, crazy.
2) The aggressive fireman outside Local Heroes collecting for muscular dystrophy. He started calling out this one guy who was with a girl, saying to her "you can see what kind of boyfriend material you have here, if he's a good guy and gives to charity" and "I know you can hear me," and not in a funny sort of way. Fuck you, Fireman Fred. You have no idea what that guy does with his money. Maybe he already gave to MD or some other charity. Maybe he filled the boot yesterday. Regardless, you have no business harassing fans and trying to guilt them into donating. I would never, ever give that man money.
3) The "Wonder Girls", this random girl singing group featured between a few innings. What does this have to do with anything?
4) People applauding super-loud flyovers from the Cleveland Noise Show being held at Burke Lakefront Airport this weekend. Why are we cheering loud planes again?


The Tribe now sits at a robust 60-76, just one game back of Toronto for 7th in the Wild-Card chase. This upcoming series against Texas is interesting because Texas is three back of Boston for the Wild Card, and like any decent human, I want the Red Socks to watch this year's postseason from their couches. So, I'll enjoy Tribe victories as they come, but if they lose, it was for a good cause.

Monday, 6:05 RHP Hunter (7-3, π) vs RHP Carrasco (0-1, 18.00)
Tuesday, 7:05 RHP McCarthy (6-2, 4.61) vs LHP Laffey (7-4, 3.36)
Wednesday, 12:05 Feldman (15-4, 3.62) vs RHP Carmona (3-9, 6.08)

Go Tribe!

The Downtown report

To celebrate the opening of football season (the amateur part of it, anyway) I'm going to use my 7th straight FCF post for a little downtown report action.

The Weather
This time of the year is just splendid here in Northeast Ohio for those who enjoy spending time outdoors. Last year was particularly pleasant - I'm hoping for a repeat in 2009. I've had the chance to do some bike commuting the past few days, and I'm looking forward to some nice weekend morning runs as the leaves start to turn colors. I wish we had three months like these instead of the stupid long winter.


The Tribe
I don't really have an angle here for the Indians. Obviously we're playing for 2010 and 2011 at this point, so your perspective all depends on how much you enjoy watching prospects break in at the major league level, playing games that aren't terribly meaningful. Baseball will pretty quickly become a mid-week sports diversion for me between weekend football games.

I was out for a run yesterday near Progressive Field, when a scalper demanded of me: "You buying, or selling?" Note the comma - he asked it as if these were my only two options. "Running," I responded.

I like the new kids on the Tribe - I'm excited for the newest Indian, Michael Brantley, to get some playing time. He's good good speed, defense, and plate discipline; if he can start getting on-base at a .370 clip or so, we can lead him off, drop Grady Sizemore a spot or two, and be even stronger on offense. Speaking of Grady - it's about time they shut him down. Can we shut down Tomo Ohka too?

One thing I joke about that the Tribe broadcasters say is, whenever a hitter falls into an 0-2 count, they always say "the count quickly 0-2 on so-and-so." Underwood does this every time; I heard Pawlowski say it last night as well. Why "quickly"? It always takes exactly two pitches to reach an 0-2 count. Just once, I want to hear them say that the count "slowly" hit 0-2, or did so "at a normal pace."

One more baseball-related note; I saw that Boston's Jonathan Papelbon was fined $5000 for pitching too slowly. Maybe he can slowly get a count to 0-2? Apparently it's the 5th time he's been warned/fined, leading him to say this:

"If I have to get my agent involved and see if there are other guys doing the same thing I'm doing and not getting fined, then I have a case. If I don't, then I don't."

How about pitching faster, you dummy?


The Cavs
ESPN's Bill Simmons had a good idea about sports reporting, wherein once a story is initially broken, no one should report further on it unless something new develops. Like the yearly Brett Favre story; once it's established that he's mulling a comeback, we don't need any news until he decides one way or the other. Or the Browns QB situation: once we know it's undecided, no reporting is needed until a decision is announced.

Where am I going with this? Let's apply this rule to LeBron's contract situation. Yes, he's a free agent at the end of the year. Until he signs a new deal, nothing need be written on the matter. Thanks for your time.


The Buckeyes
As I write this, I'm sitting comfortably in my living room watching them finish up a fairly weird 31-27 win over the US Naval Academy.

This just in: Terrelle Pryor is good. Fun fact: he was named the Big Ten's preseason player of the year by sportswriters, yet was somehow not named the Big Ten's preseason offensive player of the year. Huh? Granted, preseason best-of teams are inherently worthless and stupid, but this is just absurd.

Kurt Coleman: also good. His forced fumble helped the Bucks build the late lead that they mostly coughed up, and he followed it up with a nice diving interception on the following Midshipmen possession.

Could have done without that 99-yard Navy drive. And the 85-yard TD pass. Don't get beat deep when you're up 15, dummy. Anderson Russell needs to run some laps. Also: the TD drive after that was not cool.

Brandon Saine almost got his head ripped off and no face mask was called. I've rarely seen such an obvious and dangerous penalty call missed.

Aaron Petrey missed an extra point minutes after nailing a 52-yard field goal. Sounds about right. In other extra-point shenanigans, OSU returned a Navy 2-point conversion attempt for a TD, earning themselves 2 points in one of college football's most bizarre and arbitrary rules. It sounds so made-up.

I went downstairs at halftime to get some pretzels, sporting an OSU t-shirt. There were two guys in the elevator - one of them, sporting some local baseball league t-shirt, was apparently a Michigan fan. He sort of scoffed at my shirt, hummed Michigan's dumb fight song, and blurted "go blue" as we parted. I pretended like he wasn't there. Michigan, as you'll recall, went 3-9 last year and has dropped 5 straight to the Bucks, including last year's 42-7 shelling. Sorry, elevator michigan douchebag - you're not worth my attention.


The Browns
I'm ready, ready, ready for the season to start. Who wants to spend Sundays sober?

Dog Sled Racing is AWESOME!

A while back, I wrote a post about a fairly ridiculous list published by ESPN's Rick Reilly of what he considered to be The 10 Best Sporting Events to See Live. Basically, I went through each of his choices and pointed out how odd they were and how weird his supporting arguments were. One of his selections was the Iditarod, Alaska's famous dog sled race. Here's what my original article says (Reilly's text is in bold, my response is in normal font):

[Begin quote]
9. Iditarod -- Whenever somebody tells me the Iditarod is cruel to dogs, I answer, "I agree, the dogs left at home." You should hear them howl when they're not picked for the team. This is the hardest event to watch. I once had to bribe an ex-Vietnam pilot to fly me to a rest stop in the middle of nowhere, where we landed in a half-plowed field and were picked up by an Inuit on a snowmobile pulling a sled. Try to be in Nome at the end. One bar almost always has a ladies' arm wrestling contest. Trust me, you'd lose.
This doesn't make any sense the second time through, either.
[End quote]

Reilly is saying this is a somehow a good event to attend, and I'm saying that his paragraph is nearly incoherent. Seems straightforward, no?

So I was surprised today to find a long rambling anti-dog-sled comment posted to my column. Click the link to see it - it's at the bottom of the list.

Did you read it? That's OK if you didn't - Margery Glickman, Director of the Sled Dog Action Coalition, didn't read my article before spamming me with her stupid comment either. I never said anything even vaguely pro-dog-sledding - I don't even like dogs and I still think racing animals is really awful - yet Glickman thought it appropriate to leave her unnecessarily gross manifesto as a comment. Maybe she didn't catch the part where the bolded text wasn't my writing? More likely is that she was just trolling around looking for anything people had written about dog sledding just to be able to tactlessly push her viewpoint on people. It's hard work being that overly strident; sometimes you just don't have the time to actually read or think about what you're doing.

If you click on the link of the user who left the comment ("Sled Dog Action Coalition"), it takes you to a "blog" authored by the group that contains only a single two-line post linking to their homepage. Look, Margie, that's not a blog. It's not anything. It's clutter.

So, Margery Glickman, illustrious high commander of the SDCA, if you're still perusing the blogosphere for any mention of dog-sledding and come across this article and actually read it this time: keep your propaganda to yourself. Otherwise, you will be hearing from my lawyer. I'm kidding, I don't have a lawyer. Why would I have a lawyer?

As a note to other FCF readers, I titled this article as I did in part to bait the SDAC into reading my criticism of them, and also as a test to see if they actually read anything. If I get the same form letter as a comment again, I think we can conclude that they don't actually read anything. And now we wait.

Swept by the Tigers

Can't say that I had a real good feeling as the Indians headed into a three-game set at Comerica, and it seems I was right. Cleveland has been playing over their heads for a while, but Detroit has something to play for and their home mark (45-22, .672) is vastly better than their road mark (27-39, .409). The Indians got swept, losing a couple of close ones to a good team. Life goes on.

Game 1
An 8-5 Tribe loss was notable mostly for the inauspicious debut of Carlos Carrasco, who yielded 6 runs in just 3 innings of work. Blah. We did collect 5 doubles and yet another Andy Marte home run, but it was not enough after the Tigers' early scoring binge. I'm still interested to see how Carrasco performs in his remaining few starts this year.

Game 2
This 4-2 loss was notable mostly because the Indians made 5 errors, including 3 by Johnny Peralta, 2 of which came on one comical play. Hey, we scored as many earned runs (2) as Detroit!

Game 3
Prior to this game, indians.com displayed the following teaser:

The Indians will be looking to improve their offense and defense for the finale against the Tigers

Isn't every team looking to improve their offense and defense every game? Anyway, the Tribe trailed 3-0 before notching 3 runs in the 8th to tie it. Rafael Perez came in to "pitch" the 10th and got no one out except for the game-winning sac fly, as the Tribe fell 4-3. What a season for that guy.

Next up is a three-game home set against the Twins, who now trail Detroit by 5 full games in a terribly uninteresting divisional race.

Go Tribe!

Ten Points: Titans/Browns

With Nick sidelined by laziness and basking in the glow of his triathlon success, I'm taking over his popular "10 Points" series to recap the Browns' 23-17 win over the Titans, which I attended along with Nick and his Dad. Needless to say, my style is a bit different.

1) Living in the past
At Cleveland Browns Stadium, Nick was sporting a Kosar jersey and his Dad a Garcia. Neither Kosar nor Garcia currently plays for the Cleveland Browns. Yet these gentlemen had the nerve to mock a fellow wearing a jersey of current Brown and PRO BOWL QUARTERBACK Derek Anderson.

2) Speaking of quarterbacks currently on the roster
The notion that Quinn "moved ahead" of Anderson because he threw a TD pass in this game is ridiculous. Mangini and the coaching staff have two years of Anderson at the helm, Quinn's college career and brief pro output, financial and roster considerations, and hundreds of practice reps on which to base a decision, and you think this competition is decided by one slant pass just because you happened to see it? Come on. Quinn's been the guy for months and this QB competition thing is a sham. But if you want to think that one pass was the clincher, be my guest.

3) Vince Young's interception returned for a TD by Alex Hall
Ghastly.

4) Block that kick!
I'll never stop wondering how much teasing he gets for being named "Robaire," but considering his size I suppose it wasn't too much. Nice extension on the block there.

5) Your receivers
Suddenly, this situation doesn't look as dire as it once did. If Braylon can actually catch a few passes that hit him on his hands, Cribbs continues to develop, and Furrey is the 3rd-down possession guy he appears to be, you've got at least a semblance of a receiving corps. Have you noticed how Cribbs uses his hands to catch the football and doesn't jump for chest-level balls? Plus, you've got Massaquoi and Robiskie to step in as well.

6) Your defense
Still not good. We didn't get pushed around like against the Packers, even without Shaun Rogers, but don't forget that these guys are going to give up a lot of points this season. They just are.

7) The Stadium
It was surprisingly fun to attend a pre-season game, even though it was super-windy and the clouds looked like they did during Morpheus' "scorched the sky" speech in The Matrix. Sitting there in some unusually chilly August wind, I wondered: has anyone thought to turn a home field with adverse winter conditions into an advantage by employing a strong defense and a mistake-free offense with a strong rushing attack? Oh, right, everyone in the Northeast has already done that except for the clubs in Ohio.

8) James Davis
Where do I sign up?

9) Rod Hood.
Say goodbye to the newest Chicago Bear. Too bad he couldn't take Abram Elam with him.

10) You play to win the game!
I know, I know, preseason results don't matter, the Lions went 4-0 last year, blah blah blah.

But it does matter, as I wrote last year, at least a bit. You have to win at least one preseason game, otherwise history suggests your odds of making the playoffs are very slim. The Browns took a donut in last year's preseason and ended up 4-12; they went 3-1 in exhibition in 2007 and posted a 10-6. This isn't a strong correlation league-wide, but it is a correlation nonetheless. The Browns, for their part, have typically won a couple of preseason games and sucked in the regular season the past few seasons, but what I'm saying is that a degree of preseason success is necessary, not sufficient.

Most important in the preseason is avoiding injuries; second-most important is looking professional. I think in the past two games we can say the Browns have made strides in that latter department. I can live with it if Cleveland has another crummy season simply because our talent level is low, as long as beer and TV's continue to exist. But if we go 4-12 again because of cheap penalties, inept clock management, needless turnovers, and other foolishness, my patience as a fan will be stretched to the limit once again.

These past two games have given me some hope that our only real problem will be the low level of talent currently on the Cleveland roster, and bad teams that play smart have been known to win a couple of games here and there.

FCF at the races: Erie

The FCF racing team's 2009 triathlon season came to a close on a rainy day at Presque Isle this past Saturday. I think both athletes are reasonably pleased with the way 2009 turned out; Nick medaled in 3 of the 4 events and was a consistent top-20 finisher, while I battled back from a May knee surgery to best my 2008 performances and notch my first International distance race.

The weather was poor at last year's race, and very nearly as bad this year. The rain came down steadily in the morning and picked up as we neared the start of the race. This meant some significant, though not serious, waveage in the bay. The swim was longer and more difficult than last year, but the chief problem was that Nick and I got tossed in with about eleventy-thousand other yellow-capped athletes at the start. The organizers could certainly add another wave to thin out the swimming herd we dealt with in this race. Frustrated with all the contact and fog, I ditched my goggles about 2/3 in for better visibility. Consider that it took me more than half the time to do this "600 m" that it took me to do 1500 m the week before, and I couldn't see anything there either. Nick was out in 11:29 and I emerged near the middle of the pack at 15:59.

Anyway, the rain was still at it when we got on the bicycles for 20.8 km, but the course remained flat and fast. I was passed only by the overall winner and managed to fish a bunch of people who apparently didn't have the same issues as me in the water. I cruised in at 34:57 for a career-high 24 mph; Nick also posted a 32:26 for a PR velocity of 25.8 mph. The winner's average was near 30 mph!

The run wasn't as fun as last year because they moved it from the multipurpose train to the road and a paved trail. Eh. Not a real inspiring run course, but oh well. Nick knocked out the run in 23:59 (7:03 miles), while I posted a hugely disappointing 28:06. I ran 8:23 miles in a 10K after more swimming and bicycling on a tougher course six days ago and here I come out with 8:16 miles? Lame. There was at least some excitement; near the finish line, Nick informed me that the end was just 100 m away, and I had enough left to sprint past the two people in front of me.

So, I ended up in 91st (81st, not including teams) with a total time of 1:21:12, while Nick claimed 19th (15th minus teams) at 1:10:10 to earn 3rd place in his division. I did by far the best in the bike, claiming 153rd, 59th, and 91st among individuals in the three events. Nick again posted consistent quality, at 24th, 21st, and 20th. We were both off our 2008 times in the run and swim, but I chalk that up to course differences.

I'd like to do this course on a half-decent day some time. Of course, now it's blue skies in Cleveland.

The tris are done for the season, but there are still some races to be run. I'm looking at the Great Race in Zeptember, the Towpath half-marathon in Rocktober, and perhaps the Kickoff Classic before OSU destroys Michigan once again in November.